


all i can imagine is being in your arms

by quartknee44



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bi JJ, Did I Mention Fluff, F/F, First Kiss, Good for them, Jemily - Freeform, Kinda canon compliant, anythings canon if you want it to be, dumbass!emily, just really adorable fluff, lesbian em, soft!jemily, these bitches gay, this is a willifer hate acct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29206707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartknee44/pseuds/quartknee44
Summary: basically an au where will doesnt exist/jj never met him, and acted on her feelings for emily instead of surpressing them.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	all i can imagine is being in your arms

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from the aly & aj single "slow dancing" which is like, the best song ever
> 
> also, the "---" denotes a pov change

The BAU office is dim, the little remaining light coming from the occasional lit desk lamp, whose owners had forgotten to turn them off before they left for home. However, among the loneliness of the near-deserted room, one light is still in use. Emily sits behind her desk, tapping an uncapped pen thoughtfully against her chin while she works through her extensive pile of unfinished paperwork. Open file folders cover the entire surface, tossed haphazardly aside as she loses track of her thoughts on one and elects to switch to another. Biting her lip in frustration, she sighs, drops her pen, and leans back in her office chair, groaning quietly as the tension between her shoulders is relieved. The red glow from the exit sign plays along the side of her face, highlighting the angle of her jaw and throwing a deep shadow against her neck. Her eyes ache from reading in low light, and she closes them slowly, tossing her head back as she feels the strain ease.

Mere minutes had passed in silence when she hears footsteps, the crisp _click_ of heels ringing loudly on the waxed floors of the anteroom, before stopping, hesitant, at the threshold of the bullpen floor. Emily smiles, but her eyes remain closed.

“You plan on standing there all night, JJ?”

A soft chuckle rings loudly in the quiet room.

“How’d you know it was me?”

“Are you kidding? I’d recognize those heels anywhere.”

Emily’s eyes flutter open and she smiles as JJ laughs again, striding over to her desk and grabbing a nearby chair. She sits, crossing her legs. Despite the lightness of her laugh, Em can tell that something’s bothering her. Her brilliant blue eyes shift, turning to glance emptily out at the city lights on the other side of the windows while her right hand unconsciously rises to her mouth. Though she can’t tell for sure in the darkness, Emily guesses that the cuticles on that hand are nearly bitten raw. She sits forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and carefully wraps a hand around JJ’s wrist, pulling it gently away from her mouth. JJ jumps slightly, looking quickly away from the window and into Emily’s eyes. The space between them is minimal; they’re so close that Emily can feel JJ’s breath brushing lightly against her own nose.

“JJ, what’s wrong?”

Her voice is soft, and something in JJ’s eyes relaxes at her tone. She drops her gaze, but slips her hand into Emily’s, who offers a reassuring squeeze in response. Instead of answering, she bites her lip, a habit that her counterpart had long noticed as one that marked her nerves.

“Hey,” she adds, just as quietly, “you can tell me anything, you know?”

A strangled sound, halfway between a laugh and a sob, escapes from JJ’s throat.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just,” she blows a loose hair out of her face in frustration, “just so _complicated,_ you know?”

Emily watches a lone droplet trace its way down her left cheek.

“Well, I’m no stranger to complicated,” she says with a wry grin.

JJ looks back up, eyes brimming with tears, and manages a half-smile in return before they spill over. She sobs and leans forward in her chair, causing Emily to move in quickly, wrapping her arms around her best friend while she buries her face in the space between her shoulder and neck. One of her hands moves up to gently hold the back of JJ’s head, pulling her in closer. They sit, holding each other tightly, as one weeps and the other comforts her quietly.

“Shh, it’s going to be okay,” Emily murmurs soothingly in JJ’s ear, “it’s gonna be alright.”

JJ doesn’t respond, but her tears subside and turn into quiet sniffles. She moves to pull away, and Emily lets her, positioning her hands on her shoulders and keeping her at arm’s length.

“Feel better?”

JJ closes her eyes, nodding quickly.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want some water?”

“Um,” she begins, interrupted by a hiccup, “sure, that would be good.”

Emily gives her shoulders a squeeze, then stands and walks to the fridge in the communal kitchen just off the bullpen. She bends down and pulls two bottles from it, then straightens. She can see that JJ’s staring out the windows again and, based on how she’s sitting, probably picking at her cuticles too. A worried look crosses her face as she walks back over with the waters, handing one to JJ and setting the other on a tiny corner of open space on her desk.

“Thanks, Em,” she says faintly, breaking the seal on the bottle and taking a long sip.

“Of course.”

Emily waits until she’s drunk her fill before she tries again.

“So, what’s up?”

JJ sighs, capping the water bottle and setting it carefully on the floor next to her feet. She takes a deep breath, likely to steady her nerves, and clears her throat before looking back at Emily.

“There’s,” she pauses, “ _someone._ ”

There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of Emily’s stomach, but she pushes it aside.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” JJ sighs, resting her head in her hands.

“What’s complicated about that?”

“I don’t know. It’s just,” she hesitates, knitting her brow as she carefully chooses her next words.

“I’m not sure they feel the same way, and I’m scared to tell them, because--” a tear leaks onto her cheek again and she brushes it aside angrily, “because they’re _really_ important to me and I don’t want to lose them.”

Tears threaten to fill Emily’s own eyes as she hears the vulnerability and worry in her tone.

“JJ look at me,” she says, grabbing ahold of her hands.

Deep brown eyes meet piercing blue ones.

“Life’s too short to not tell someone you care about them,” she continues softly, maintaining eye contact. The irony of her words isn’t lost on her, and she forces down a self-deprecating chuckle.

“And if they’re really your friend, then you won’t lose them if they don’t feel the same way, right?”

She’s not sure if she’s reassuring herself, or her co-worker, with these words.

_Stop it_ , she chastises herself, _now’s very obviously not the time._

JJ swallows hard and closes her eyes, suppressing another wave of crying, before nodding.

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

Emily smiles. “Now come here.”

With a short laugh, JJ obliges, wrapping her arms tightly around her again. The grin remains on Emily’s face as she holds her close. Something about being near JJ makes her extraordinarily happy, something that she tries not to think about, because if she lets herself she might actually work up the courage to act on it.

And that’s something that would be unforgivable.

“It’s you.”

The words, spoken so quietly they were nearly indistinguishable, interrupt Em’s trance.

“Wait, what?”

JJ pulls away from the embrace.

“Emily, the person I care so much about,” she says, a tinge of desperation slipping into her tone, “it’s _you_.”

\---

JJ watches as the full effect of her words registers on Emily’s face.

“Oh,” is all she says.

JJ’s heart drops.

_She doesn’t feel the same way_.

She stands, so abruptly that the motion pushes the office chair she’d been sitting on away, rolling a couple feet on the minimally textured carpet.

“I should go.” She chokes as she says it.

She turns and begins walking quickly away, back towards the elevators, leaving a probably dumbfounded Emily still sitting behind her.

“No, JJ—wait!”

She can hear her calling out after her, but that only motivates her to walk faster, until she’s practically running. Her vision begins to blur at the edges as she reaches the elevator doors, jamming her finger into the down button. The one she had taken to get up here earlier is still on this floor, so the door opens almost immediately. She gets in, pressing both the ground floor button and the close-door one frantically before leaning against the back wall of the elevator car, grabbing the railing, and looking up to the ceiling. She sobs again, closing her eyes as the tears begin to fall hard for the second time tonight.

How could she have been so stupid? Of _course_ Emily Prentiss, the gorgeous, badass FBI profiler, perfect in every single facet, doesn’t feel the same way. She probably doesn’t even like women, let alone her friend and coworker.

_God_ , JJ thinks, _how could I be so stupid?_

The elevator dings, and the doors begin to close, sealing her fate and the likely destruction of any sort of relationship between the two.

Until Emily’s hand shoves between them, prying the doors apart with sheer force. JJ looks down in shock.

“What are you—"

But before she can finish the question Emily is inside the car, grabbing her face in her hands and smashing their lips together.

For a minute, it’s bliss like JJ has never known, soft lips against hers, meshing perfectly. Emily’s hands remain on either side of her face while her own hands work their way through soft dark hair. Her momentum pushes JJ’s back gently against the wall again as they continue to kiss, and all she can think is, _damn, she’s a good kisser._

Then the car lurches as the elevator begins its descent, making the two jump and break apart for a second. The enormity of what’s just happened begins to sink in, and JJ huffs out a confused laugh, shaking her head in disbelief.

“But—” she beings.

“Jennifer Jareau,” Emily interrupts, tucking a stray piece of hair tenderly behind her ear, “I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you.”

JJ smiles widely in return. She can’t find the words to describe what’s she’s feeling, so she pulls Emily in again for another mind-numbing, incredible few minutes of a kiss. This time, she’s holding the side of her face, and she feels Emily’s lightly calloused hand reach up to gently hold her wrist. She can’t help but melt a little at the contact; a simple touch that had felt comforting and soothing barely twenty minutes ago was now charged with electricity. She realizes that it’s everything she wanted and yet, somehow, more.

Their descent is slowing as they reach the ground floor, which gives them time to brace themselves before the doors open. When they do, with a loud _ding_ , the two continue kissing.

Until they hear a throat clear behind them.

JJ starts and pulls back quickly, leaving Emily to sigh quietly in disappointment before she turns around.

The night guard stands at his position by the metal detectors at the building’s entrance, blushing a deep red and clearly embarrassed.

“Sorry,” Emily calls out cheerily, “wrong floor.”

The guard clears his throat again and nods nervously, turning back to face the front doors. Emily, biting her lip to keep from laughing out loud, quickly punches the button for the BAU floor and turns back to JJ, who raises her eyebrows with a barely suppressed snort.

After an eternity, the doors shut again, and immediately the pair burst out laughing. Emily doubles over, grabbing her sides, and JJ clutches her stomach while throwing her head back.

“W-wrong,” JJ manages, trying to speak around her giggles, “wrong floor?”

“It’s all I could think of,” Emily wheezes, leaning against the wall for support.

Tears, this time of mirth, leak out from the corner of JJ’s eyes, clouding over the edges of her vision. The fit of uncontrollable laughter has subsided, and she brushes the drops away, shaking her head.

“You know, this is the third time I’ve cried tonight.”

Emily looks at her, inclining her head. “Happy tears, this time?”

JJ nods and smiles back. “Yeah. Happy tears.”

“Good.”

The doors _ding_ open once more, and the pair, wordlessly, move to step out of the elevator. As they do, JJ feels Emily slip her hand in between her own, interlacing their fingers. Heat spreads across her cheeks, like a middle school girl with her crush. Except it wasn’t just any crush. It was Emily Prentiss, her sexy, badass best friend that she’d seen and worked with almost daily for years. Something about this connection makes each action more meaningful, more important. And she wants to savor every minute of it.

“You know, I almost chickened out on the way up here earlier.”

Emily raises an eyebrow at her. “Well, thank God you didn’t. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve held out from telling you.”

JJ shoots her a sidelong glance, knitting her brow.

“Why didn’t you? Tell me, I mean.”

They reach Emily’s desk, and she pulls JJ’s chair closer for her to sit down before she answers.

“Honestly, everything you said, about not knowing if your feelings were reciprocated, and being terrified of losing me, that’s the main thing,” she says, knitting her brow and looking out the window thoughtfully.

“But also,” she trails off.

“What?” JJ prompts gently.

“I mean, you didn’t exactly give off the _vibe_ , you know?”

“The _vibe_?”

“Yeah, like,” she lets out a frustrated sigh at her inability to find the words, “like, that you swung that way, I guess.”

“So a gay vibe?” JJ asks, raising an eyebrow bemusedly.

“Yeah, that.”

She chuckles. “I mean, me neither, I guess. Until you, at least.”

“So that makes me your first, then?” Emily asks, a cocky smirk spreading quickly across her face.

“I suppose so,” JJ says, rolling her eyes, but still smiling nonetheless.

Emily just sits there, smiling right back, and JJ takes the time to look over her expression, memorizing every aspect of it; how her right dimple is slightly deeper than her left, how her whole face is lit up, especially her beautiful dark brown eyes, which she’s always found enrapturing but especially now, so full of emotion and care and—

“You’re staring, love.”

The words, spoken in a low and soft voice, make JJ’s knees weak, and she’s glad she’s already sitting down. But thankfully, years of dealing with press conferences and unruly reporters have made her quick on her feet with words.

“So are you.”

Her smile grows. “Miss Jareau, I’d like to kiss you again, if that’s alright with you.”

“I think I could deal with that, yeah.”

They meet in the middle once more, and JJ, as cheesy as it may seem, swears that this time she can feel the earth shift beneath her feet. Each of their kisses had felt different: the first rushed and desperate, filled with longing; the second slow and passionate, tinged by relief on both sides. But this one is her favorite so far—long, deep, and romantic, like a high school kiss but ten times better. It goes on for hours and minutes, lasts forever and is over within seconds, somehow has a million different meanings but also, just one.

Either way, JJ never wants it to end.

But eventually it does, each one of them keeping close still, letting their foreheads touch.

“I’m really glad you came here tonight,” Emily whispers.

“Yeah,” JJ sighs contentedly, “me too.”

\---

The two spent the next few hours of the early morning sitting in the deserted room, talking about whatever crossed their minds in the moment. At one point, around two am, the topic became Emily’s reaction to JJ’s admission.

“Like seriously, it took you so long to say _anything_ , and when you finally did, it was ‘oh,’” JJ says, mimicking Emily’s expression and tone in between bites of popcorn, which they’d scrounged from the kitchen and made in the microwave.

“I _know_ , I’m _sorry,_ ” Emily replies, burying her head in her hands and laughing. “I was in, like, full panic mode.”

“You were, huh,” JJ smirks, “full panic mode?”

Rolling her eyes, Em grabs a piece of popcorn and throws it at her. “Yes, actually.”

She catches it deftly in her mouth. “Hm, good to know.”

Emily raises her eyebrow.

“What? I’m not gonna let perfectly good food go to waste.”

“Of course not, we couldn’t have that.”

“Shut up.”

“No.”

JJ glares at her. “You’re lucky I’ve decided to put up with you.”

“Now, why would you decide to do a silly thing like that?” Emily asks with a smug grin.

“Honestly, right now I can’t remember.”

The conversation flows so easily between the two of them, but even when they finally do run out of things to talk about, it doesn’t feel awkward. There’s something to be said for the connection that forms between two people when they’ve known each other for a long enough time that there’s no need to carry on with forced conversation—when the silence feels natural and comfortable.

Plus, it gives Emily an excuse to just stare unabashedly at JJ.

“You’re beautiful,” she murmurs unthinkingly.

A deep red flush spreads across her cheeks, and she smiles self-consciously; it’s the most adorable thing Emily’s ever seen.

“ _You_ are a hopeless flirt,” JJ says accusingly, even though she’s still blushing uncontrollably.

“Hmm, yeah.”

Their idle flirting continues, carrying them later into the evening, and then even earlier into the morning. Nearby, someone’s desk clock ticks the seconds by, but Emily doesn’t realize how much time has really passed until she notices JJ’s eyelids growing heavy; she’s struggling to stay awake and upright in her chair.

“You need to sleep,” she murmurs softly.

JJ, whose head was slowly slipping off its resting place on her fist, starts upright, blinking to force her eyes open.

“N-no, I’m f-f,” she fails to suppress a yawn, then sighs.

“I know I do,” she admits, looking at her hands, then back at Emily with a half-smile, “I just _really_ don’t want this night to end.”

Em is returning her smile when an idea crosses her mind.

“I mean, _technically_ , it doesn’t have to.”

JJ raises an eyebrow inquisitively, waiting for her to elaborate.

“We could go back to my place.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth she wants to smack herself. She turns her head, closing her eyes and scrunching up her face to keep from blushing as JJ tries—and fails—to suppress a quiet giggle.

“That sounded _way_ less creepy in my head.”

“No, it’s okay, I know what you mean,” JJ says with a bigger laugh.

Emily, though still embarrassed, turns back and opens her eyes to watch the amusement brighten her counterpart’s face, her tired eyes still managing to sparkle as she grins widely. She’d do anything to see that beautiful smile, Emily decides right then. Even if she has to make an absolute fool of herself—it’s worth it.

“Are you sure?" JJ asks hesitantly, her smile dropping only minimally.

“It’s nothing,” Emily insists quickly, “really, Jayje, you’ve been there a hundred times, and you really shouldn’t be driving if you’re this tired.”

“I’m n-not _that_ tired,” she protests, stifling a yawn.

Emily looks at her dubiously, one eyebrow raised. JJ glares back defiantly before her shoulders slump and she sighs in defeat.

“Fine.”

They stand up, Emily lingering by her desk just long enough to turn off the lamp. She laces her fingers through JJ’s again, partly because every small contact makes her feel giddy with joy, and partly because she’s worried that the woman would run into a wall without a guide.

They make it back to the elevator, which has conveniently lingered on this floor again. The doors part, and Emily, who’s practically carrying JJ at this point, pulls them both into the car. She presses the button and waits for the doors to close.

Her heart leaps as she feels JJ slip one of her arms gently around her waist and rest her head on her shoulder. Impulsively, Em turns her head and places a soft kiss on the top of her head, smiling into her hair as the beautiful woman in her arms lets out the most adorably contented sigh she’s ever heard.

“You’re perfect,” she murmurs soothingly.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing,” Emily says, smiling conspiratorially.

JJ huffs, but she’s evidently too tired to push further.

When the elevator reaches the bottom floor, Em wraps an arm protectively around JJ’s shoulders, inviting her to keep leaning into her. She supports her during their walk through the lobby. As they pass the night guard’s booth, Emily shoots him a quick wink. He clears his throat awkwardly once again and turns away, leaving the pair free to pass through the metal detectors and out of the building.

Outside, it’s nearly pitch black at street level—the only light thrown is an orange-ish color from the street lamps placed sporadically across the parking lot. They walk together, side by side, until they reach Emily’s green Subaru Outback. Using her left hand, she pulls the passenger side door open and allows JJ to climb in, settling her into the seat. By the time she reaches the driver’s side of the door, her passenger is already fast asleep, curled against the window, breath fogging up on the glass. Emily smiles, just watching her sleep for a moment, before she realizes that she’s supposed to be driving.

The ride to her apartment is uneventful and quiet, aside from the sound JJ’s gentle breathing. Thankfully, there’s practically no one else on the road, because Emily can’t stop herself from glancing over at every opportunity, just to look at her calm, peaceful face.

_How can someone be so beautiful all the time?_

She parks in front of her apartment, the gentle back and forth sway of the car as she kills the engine enough to shake JJ half-awake.

“Whas goinon?” she mumbles, blinking quickly to clear the grogginess from her eyes and sitting up.

“C’mon, we’re here,” Emily whispers.

JJ sighs, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the window. Her breathing evens out and she relaxes totally, her cheek flush against the window.

_She’s about to fall asleep again_.

Shaking her head incredulously, Em places her hand on JJ’s shoulder and squeezes gently to rouse her again.

“That means you have to get out of the car.”

JJ groans, keeping her eyes shut. When Emily doesn’t move her hand, she peeks one eye open.

“Oh, you were serious?”

Emily rolls her eyes. “Even this tired, you’re still a smartass; let’s go.”

Without waiting for a response, she gets out of the car, jogs around to the other side, and pulls the passenger door open. The cold air of a DC evening rushes into the Subaru, causing JJ to shiver slightly as the chill sets around her.

“Rude,” she mutters, stepping out of the car slowly.

“Don’t worry, I can warm you up,” Em replies with a wink.

JJ rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

Emily’s smirk grows, but she changes the subject. “C’mon, lets get you to bed.”

The walk inside, and up a flight of stairs, is still chilly in the way nighttime is, but with JJ by her side, one arm braced around her waist, she can barely feel it.

Inside her apartment the heat envelopes them like a blanket; she feels it wash over her, relaxing her muscles that had tensed unconsciously in the cold. JJ stops in the entrance, eyes closing in the warmth.

“Almost there, love,” Em murmurs softly in her ear.

JJ stumbles at the words, leaning heavily on the other woman, who catches her easily with a low chuckle.

“Okay there?”

“Shut up.”

Emily laughs. “You said that already.”

“You might as well get used to it, then.”

Emily’s smile lingers when takes a tentative step forward, raising an eyebrow at JJ inquisitively, who begins to move toward the door on the other side of the apartment that leads to her bedroom. Knight in shining armor that she is, Em moves ahead of her to open the door.

“I’m a big girl,” JJ says tiredly, still managing a smile that makes her heart jump and her knees weak.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be chivalrous,” she wiggles her eyebrows, smiling like an idiot the whole time.

“God, you’re ridiculous,” JJ says, placing her hand on Emily’s cheek and moving in. The kiss catches her by surprise, chaste and domestic, a peck on the lips, really. They pull apart, leaving Emily wanting more until she sees, again, just how tired JJ really is.

“Bed,” she commands gently, looking pointedly at the queen-size fixture against the opposite wall.

JJ obliges, sitting down on the right side of the bed while Em rummages around in her closet for some spare clothes. She finds an old pair of red athletic shorts and a faded Nirvana t-shirt, which she tosses over.

“There’s an extra toothbrush in the cupboard, and you’re welcome to anything else in there.”

“Thanks, Em,” JJ says gratefully, moving towards the bathroom.

“Of course, Jayje.”

She hesitates at the room's threshold, seeing Emily grab a change of clothes and turn to leave the room.

“Where are you going?”

“I was gonna take the couch,” Emily answers, turning back around.

“Oh,” JJ says uncertainly.

“Did you want me to—"

“I kinda thought—”

They both laugh good-naturedly as their sentences overlap, and Emily gestures for JJ to continue.

“Well,” an adorable blush spreads across her cheeks, “I kinda thought you could, um,” she hesitates.

“Stay?” Emily finishes for her.

“Yeah,” JJ nods.

For the millionth time tonight, Em’s face breaks into a smile.

“I can do that.”

JJ flashes her a nervous smile in return, then goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. Emily takes off her blazer, hanging it up in the closet, and just throws her dress shirt and pants on the floor. In their place, she pulls on the plain white t-shirt and sweatpants she’d been using as pajamas. She leaves the room to wash her makeup off in the kitchen sink, instead of disturbing her guest.

The warm water splashes soothingly against her face, and she closes her eyes, feeling her own exhaustion wash over her; the ache behind her eyes has intensified, she supposes she was simply too busy to notice it earlier.

Her brain flashes back to earlier, to the BAU.

She had kissed JJ. And JJ had kissed her back.

She shakes her head incredulously. If she hadn’t still been able to taste JJ’s lips on hers, she wouldn’t be able to believe it; she’d think it was all just a dream.

Drying her face off with a dishtowel, she walks back to the bedroom to find JJ already curled up under the comforter, lying on her left side. Her breathing is slow and even, her hands piled underneath her head. Emily takes a moment to appreciate her natural beauty before a wave of exhaustion passes over her again, and she yawns widely. As quietly as she can, she crosses the room and climbs onto the left side of the bed. Unsure of herself, she keeps a safe distance away from JJ.

The other woman stirs, and Emily curses herself silently.

“Hey,” JJ says, voice heavy with drowsiness. She turns over onto her back, looking over.

“Shh,” Emily says, scooting closer and propping herself up on her elbow, “go back to sleep.”

JJ is silent for a second, and her eyelids begin to flutter shut.

“I’m really glad I told you,” she mumbles as they close fully.

Emily reaches up to tuck another stray hair behind the exhausted woman’s ear and kisses her softly on the forehead.

“Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> the best part of writing this fic was getting to look at pictures of paget and aj smiling so i could write it in accurately


End file.
